Why do some people fear commitment?
Fear of commitment often stems from past experiences. It could be one's own experiences or the experiences of our loved ones. Fear of commitment can keep you from enjoying meaningful relationships. Commitment issues can arise due to both personal and external factors.
Personal factors include the values and beliefs we have imbibed from our primary caregivers.
External factors include early experience of trauma, neglect or emotional inconsistency. These stem from an insecure attachment style from early childhood. Wherein, the caregiver is inconsistent or unresponsive to the child’s needs. These needs include the child's feelings of love, warmth, security, food, support, and their need for quality time with them, at different stages of their development.
Implications of fear of commitment
Primarily, they would have unmet emotional needs which affect their personal life. It could be that they fear rejection; by not committing, they are guarding themselves from getting hurt. Although they crave attachment, they push people away when the relationship becomes intimate. Here, the individual becomes overly self-reliant because they couldn't rely on their caregivers for their needs as they grew up. So they teach themselves to trust only themselves and no others. Some may feel commitment restrictive; they develop a fear of losing control and freedom. For example, restrictions on freedom of choice. When they encounter high expectations from partners, parents or society, and the fear of not fulfilling them, they can restrict themselves from commitment.
Other implications include that they might constantly worry that their relationship will end. Fear of a breakup can prevent them from committing. Also, they feel anxious when they see happily committed people. Additionally, fear of commitment could transcend to other aspects of their life. Responsibilities can be overburdening for some, hence they avoid commitment. Or when they have to overcome a challenge or a huge change, like choosing a college or career or even finding a place to live, it can be overwhelming for most. Sexual taboo can also lead to fear of commitment.
Written By- Lizabeth Renjith Joseph - Consultant Psychologist (Mindmaris Counsellors India Pvt)
