Why do Children Hesitate to go to Family Gathering
Many parents have complained that their children are not interested to go for family gatherings with them. Unfortunately, most of the time they don’t understand why these young minds withdraw themselves from such gatherings. I have seen many family gatherings sometimes being reason for painful memories for children, not necessarily at an overly severe level but at a very implicit level.
Once being part of a family event, I have witnessed how very subtle criticisms affect the young innocent minds. Phrases like " Why can't you be like him or her? or "Just see how your sister has made us proud" often said to instill a sense of competitiveness, however will eventually develop as self doubt in children. It dampens the esteem of the child even without their knowledge and perpetuates a thought that I am inadequate. Random commends from others, particularly within the family gatherings could lead to feelings of embarrassment. Internalisation of these commends eventually leads to lack of self-esteem and confidence, indeed influencing the self-perception of oneself as not enough. It has the potential for a very significant impact on the individual eventually developing as a fear of failure in life that strongly affects one’s self efficacy in every aspects of life.
It is very painful that children also avoid family gatherings due to the strict morality codes within the society. I have become desperate witnessing the situations that criticises the young minds that think differently from the social expectations. They often become the topic for discussion within the family. Children avoid such places to avoid facing the scrutiny that questions their hairstyles, appearance, dressing, body weight and other choice of lifestyles. Children might also develop a lack of interest to be part of big family gatherings as they might feel it is boring due to the generation gap.
So I feel it's important to inculcate a family environment where children feel comfortable and secure to express themselves the way they are. This would make them feel connected with the family. Validating their emotions gives the perception of being understood and acknowledged within the family, indeed making them more open and comfortable in the family. This will give an assurance to children that they can be themselves regardless of their limits and strengths.
Written By - Ms. Nimisha J Philip - Consultant psychologist (Mindmaris Counsellors India Pvt)
